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Friday, June 17, 2011

'Merica

The holiday is fast approaching! NO! Not Father's Day! I know you know what holiday I mean. I am so excited about it that I posted about it in April! It is the greatest (drunken) holiday in the delta. Yes, I added parentheses and "drunken" as if categorizing it as the greatest holiday where you get drunk but lets face it... we get drunk every holiday. Thanksgiving... drunk. Labor day... drunk. Christmas... really drunk. Halloween... drunk. Birthdays... drunk.   Needless to say, we like to drink.

So Fofa is the greatest holiday. In case you don't know what it is like read my past post.

Now I want to talk more about my excitement. I am so excited I have already ordered a swimsuit on eBay just for the occasion... and a beer helmet on Amazon.


This is the swimsuit. HELL YES! Because nothing says USA like a confederate flag. Now, it really has nothing to do with racism. It is pure redneckery. It is the epitome of redneck. Well, really the bikini thong rebel flag swimsuit is but I am just not THAT brave.

And this is the beer helmet. Yes, a pink mohawk beer helmet. 

So I can't wait for Fofa. It is going to be awesome. And of course I am going to give you all an update after Fofa... hopefully complete with pictures.



Oh and one last thing...


GOD BLESS 'MERICA

Monday, June 13, 2011

Sprang Rever

So, I am sorry it has been awhile. I want to tell you about last weekend. Seven friends and myself went to a magical place known as Spring River. So for those select few reading this those pictured above for reference are as ordered (L to R)... myself, Rob, Carlile, Patrick, Ellen Kent, Augusta, Katie, and Brian.

This post is a sum up of the weekend. Although it won't show the awesome sights I saw first hand (old woman's boobs, brown and missing teeth, etc.) it just gives you a glimpse of the second most redneck vacations destination in this nation (the first being Talladega). So, for your next vacation, try the Ozarks.



We arrived to Many Springs in Mammoth Springs, Arkansas and set up camp...


The boys proving their manhood by throwing around fire wood.

While the girls just started drinking. Plus note Carlile mean thuggin' guarding those Gatorades.


 We got souvenirs. Our koozies are the best. Float, wrap around the neck, and rainbow straps. HELL YEAH!

We cooked hamburgers when went out into the river and found a picnic table. Played some drinking games... in the dark. Got into a little trouble.

Next morning woke up in our tents and got ready for the river. Loved people watching there. I had never seen so many awesome tattoos.


We got into canoes up river and took off. We stopped about every mile to meet some fellow Spring Riverians and maybe shot-gun a beer.

Some fellow Spring Riverians with Brian. Keep trying to look tough, Brian, it is really helping. And to you guy on the right... lay off the roids.
Their friends were missing teeth.

Augusta and Patrick think they were the best canoe-ers just because they didn't flip.
People kept calling Augusta, Miss America. We just went with it. Along with yelling ROLL TIDE every chance we got. (We aren't Bama fans!) 


The girls with another random. He kindly gave us beads... for nothing! We all kept our tops on this weekend. 

The (dreaded) S curve, we stopped and took a break. I needed a little help getting up the rapid. That might explain a few of the bruises on my body. But then again, I did flip out of a canoe 3 times.

We then all made it up and jumped off into the deeper part. 


Here we met more randoms. I love the confederate flag swimsuit, man.



So then, it started to rain. It poured. We all found each other again after a separation from the group because of the storm. Once we made it back our campsite was a litttttttle flooded so we packed up and went to Thayer Missouri. 

Eventually (after 3 other tries) we found a motel in Hardy, Arkansas to crash for the night. We went home on Sunday and all made it safe and sound.  A fun weekend full of redneckery.

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